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国外也有段子手:用冠军送别传奇!
2018-05-06 19:34

小伙伴们大家好,欢迎来到每周的“国外也有段子手”!上周的欧洲赛场精彩看点层出不穷,利物浦和皇马均在欧冠半决赛占得先机,巴萨提前锁定西甲冠军,尤文赢下了争冠关键一战,曼联则在老特拉福德球场为教授温情送别。好了,话不多说,让我们快来看看歪果仁们的精彩吐槽吧!

梅西带帽,巴萨4-2拉科夺魁西甲

RuralHuman(巴萨球迷):梅西最后时刻的进球,看得我都羞射了…(I’m creaming my pants now seeing Messi’s last minute goals…)

JuanG12(巴萨球迷):在欧冠罗马又打不过,也就只有拿拿国内双冠,才能维持的了生活这样子。(after defeated by Rome it’s vital for us to win domestic double.)

Tribolo(不莱梅球迷):都说德甲、意甲和法甲是一家独大,其实巴萨在过去10年里赢得的联赛冠军数(7次)和拜仁、尤文是一样的,而且比巴黎还多2次…(They say Bundesliga, Serie A and Ligue 1 are all one horse league, actually Barca has won 7 league titles in the last 10 years and it is the same as Bayern and Juve, while PSG is 5.)

爵爷穆帅送别教授,曼联2-1阿森纳

ColonelSpeckleberry(狼队球迷):鸟叔换上费莱尼的本意,其实是想送给教授一个赢球的机会,结果没想到这帅逼竟然进球了…(Mou was about to give a win to Wenger by Fellaini, but this cool cunt just killed the game…)

TheLifeofSonny(曼联球迷):如果你被劫持为人质,而你的生死将取决于瓦伦西亚能否传出威胁球,那么...你打算在墓志铭上写些什么好呢?(If you were being held hostage and your life depended on Valencia making a threatening cross, what would you have written on your tombstone?)

GooTattoo(未知主队球迷):曼联最擅长给中锋传球的,竟然是中锋卢卡库自己…(the only man in mu who can give a cross is the center forward himself…)

Tedmontan(曼联球迷):我魔本赛季能率先进球的比赛结果是30战全胜!(Uniteds record after scoring the first goal in a match this season is all win.)

VillianOfAsto(维拉球迷):你魔还是不行啊,你看那些没进球的比赛,竟然一场都没赢!(You cunt even cannot win a single game without a goal.)

联赛两连平,利物浦0-0斯托克城

Red-Tom(利物浦球迷):对于这精彩集锦都比我丁丁还短的比赛,我真是无话可说。(Nothing to say about the game when the match events is smaller than my penis.)

Cyberglace7(曼城球迷):利物浦应该就是最擅长冰火两重天的球队了吧!(Liverpool have to be the most hot and cold team ever.)

Ushited(利物浦球迷):能在欧冠半决赛赢5-2,却接连打平联赛第20和第19的球队,找谁说理去…(Win a CL semifinal 5-2 and last 2 league games we've drawn against the 20th and 19th placed teams. Fucking hell.)

The_Scar_Of_Zooch(曼联球迷):我们距离亚军奖杯越来越近啦!(Our 2nd place trophy edges closer.)

萨拉赫菲尔米诺传射,利物浦5-2罗马

Scatter12(AC米兰球迷):相比于领先3球,现在意大利球队更愿意落后3球了!(Italy teams prefer a 3 goal behind rather than a lead now.)

G3nzo(巴勒斯坦球迷):我见证了萨拉赫就是真主的使者!(ٱلله وَأَشْهَدُ أَنَّ صلاح رَسُولُ ٱلله)

Kaoussi(巴萨球迷):我要举报!利物浦把欧冠里正版的梅西给偷走了!(I will call the police that Liverpool stole the real Messi in CL.)

Lionnyc(纽约城球迷):罗马的战术就是通过不断丢球来让萨拉赫被替换下场休息,然后就可以开始逆转了!(Roma's game plan: Give up enough goals to get Salah substituted, then start the comeback.)

Mikezomfg(热刺球迷):就算罗马又晋级了,可决赛就只有一回合了啊!(even if roma gets through, theres no 2nd leg in the final so they're screwed)

TheMediumPanda(英格兰球迷):中场哨声想起,两队好像都很不满意…(Final whistle and both teams and fans look pretty gutted. Weird.)

Lorduzair(曼城球迷):现在5-0的领先已经是最危险的了么?(A 5-0 lead is the most dangerous lead?)

Bears-Eat(多特蒙德球迷):感觉两队好像踢了一场5-2的平局一样…(So this is what a 5-2 draw feels like.)

usamafaisal98(巴萨球迷):感觉罗马基本要凉了,他们上次落后3球再逆转是啥时候啊?(I don't see Roma recovering from a 3 goal lead. When's last time they did that?)

Anakmager(切尔西球迷):要是罗马再能逆转,我就…要用母狼的乳汁来喂养我的孩子了!(if Roma overcomes this I will let wolves raise my kids.)

(注:罗马队徽中母狼所喂养的双婴,即为传说中古罗马城的创始者)

跌宕起伏,拜仁1-2皇马

RogerXiao(中国球迷):输了比赛的球队,将被剥夺在reddit上一个月的呼吸权!(Losers will have nowhere to breathe on r/soccer for a month.)

GameplayerStu(西汉姆联球迷):齐玄宗的玄学又开始发威了…(Zidane with his black magic again.)

Gkkiller(巴萨球迷):为了保持玄学的功力,齐祖都把自己的秀发献祭了!(Zidane sacrificed his hair for the knowledge of black magic.)

ProfnlProcrastinator(未知主队球迷):马塞洛抚摸着罗本的光头来祈福,好像很奏效!(Marcello rubbing Robbens head for good luck. It certainly worked.)

innatiRealMikeHawk(辛辛那提球迷):我听着ESPN的解说,怎么90%的内容都是“拜仁错失良机”,这评述员是只解说一支球队么…(90% of my ESPN app is just "attempt missed" by Bayern... Has it really been that one sided?

Horaff(斯图加特球迷):欧冠联赛不过是22个球员在踢球,而最终皇马夺得冠军的游戏而已!(Champions League is a simple competition to predict, 22 men kick a ball and in the end Real Madrid wins.)

GerthK(拜仁球迷):我们成为了皇马的专属阿森纳了么…(Are we their Arsenal?)

Silver_Dynamo(巴萨球迷):看了这场比赛,我已经相信上帝是皇马球迷了…(This match makes me believe that God likes Madrid.)

I_travel_for_work(拜仁球迷):想象一下球队现在最健康的边锋已经35岁,而他本身受伤就已经很频繁了…(Imagine your most consistent healthy winger is a 35 year old. Who is also injured very frequently.)

Redchilli007(沃特福德球迷):拜仁很成功地限制住了C罗,但却忘了防守左路的拉菲尼亚...(Bayern managed to keep Ronaldo out of the game but left Rafinha unmarked.)

MinhDelSol(皇马球迷):拉菲就是我皇继马塞洛之后的最佳左后卫!(Best Madrid LB since Marcelo.)

george_regann(曼联球迷):每次皇马一丢球,我就要担心一波德赫亚…(Every time madrid concede I fear for de gea.)

Toasterfire(利物浦球迷):真要这样,我自费送你们一台传真机!(I'll pay for a new fax machine for you if so.)

格子绝平,10人马竞客场1-1阿森纳

ArjenRobbenGOAT(拜仁球迷):至少还有另一支球队也在欧战半决赛里被马德里球队摩擦了…(At least someone else has also completely bottled a semi final against Madrid...)

TheAuth0r(里昂球迷):现在都没人看威尔希尔了,但我还是觉得他被高看了!(Wilshere is not really rated anymore but he's still overrated.)

KudosGamer(未知主队球迷):本场控球率:阿森纳90%,奥布拉克10%。(Possession: Arsenal 90% v Oblak 10%.)

Protrudingnipples(未知主队球迷):下场客战马竞,对阿森纳来说简直就是用勺子在水泥地上挖洞一样困难了…(The 2nd leg will be like watching arsenal carve a hole into concrete with a spoon.)

Waguann(阿森纳球迷):23脚射门,72%的控球率,竟然只进了一个球…(23 shots... 72% possession, 1 goal.)

zts105(马竞球迷):其实巴萨每次和我们踢比赛都差不多这数据…(to be fair that's what Barca get every time we play them.)

The_MartianManhunter(巴萨球迷):但是巴萨还是能赢球啊,当然欧冠的时候除外…(But Barcelona actually win except when its the CL...)

争冠焦点战,尤文图斯3-2国际米兰

Elgrandorado(未知主队球迷):球场上的国米球员拼了命地战斗,而斯帕莱蒂却把联赛冠军拱手献给了死敌。(Spalleti doing his best to hand their rival the title after his players were going to die on the field to stop them.)

Iloveopshit(拜仁球迷):那不勒斯球迷看得都要心脏病突发了…(Napoli fans on heart attack watch.)

Mooncherrys(国米球迷):其实心脏病突发的是我们国米球迷,毕竟这是我们在2010年后第一次参与联赛冠军的争夺战…(Please. inter on heart attack watch. This was our first time being relevant in scudetto since 2010…)

DarkSofter(曼联球迷):尤文这是咋了,感觉10打11的不是国米而是他们…(Havent seen a more weird juve in ages. Its like they are playing with 10, not inter.)

Anksucks(阿森纳球迷):阿森纳球迷表示不敢说话…(I had better be quiet now.)

斯特林助攻带帽,曼城4-1西汉姆联

Endofautumn(西汉姆联球迷):我们得学学曼城的战术,传球得传给和你穿同样衣服的球员!这一招看起来很奏效啊!(I really think we should try this bizarre thing Man City does where you pass the football to a person wearing the same kit as yourself, seems to work.)

anirudh-suresh(曼城球迷):巧不巧的是,我们本赛季的第100个联赛进球竟然是萨巴莱塔打进的…(By some stroke of luck Pablo Zabaletta scores our 100th goal of the season.)

tattiface(未知主队球迷):曼城这联赛踢得,简直就像是玩FIFA开了简单模式一样了…(City reminds of manager mode in FIFA. Incredible stuff.)

好了,亲爱的小伙伴们,本期的“国外也有段子手”就为大家播报到这了,让我们下期不见不散!

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